Say you’re at your favorite hot spot in Downtown Port Huron or Sarnia, and nature calls. Well when you gotta go, you gotta go, right? Now, imagine that you’ll need to scan your face just to receive toilet paper to clean up afterward! Sounds like a crazy oppressive future from some sci-fi movie, right?
Just got to hit the can.
Actually, that’s happening in China RIGHT NOW!
Automated facial recognition technology is being used as a response to elderly residents removing large amounts of toilet paper from a busy public restroom in Beijing. Apparently, the old folks are smuggling the rolls out to use in their home. This has become such an issue that the government had to step in.
Look at this criminal mastermind!
Now, those in need of paper in the bathrooms next to the Temple of Heaven, one of Beijing’s busiest tourist destinations, must stand in front of a high-definition camera for three seconds, after removing hats and glasses, before a 24 inch ration is released. Those who come too often will be denied, and everyone must wait nine minutes before they can use the machine again. So, if you can’t do your business with six squares, you’re literally s*** out of luck.
No, I will not apologize for that pun!
As if the obvious privacy issues weren’t bad enough, the cameras are already notorious for malfunctioning. Some are forcing users to wait over a minute for toilet paper in some cases, if they even work at all. The city had to post attendants in the bathroom to explain how the machines work, and in some cases staff had to manually distribute toilet paper. Talk about a crappy job!
As ridiculous as this sound, it kind of par for the course for these Chinese citizens. Beijing police boast they have 100% of the city covered with more than 46,000 cameras and a team of 4,300 officers to watch the video feeds. You could say they’re…
Flush with cameras!
Okay, I’ve now reached my pun quota for today.
