September 2, 2014
10:46 pm
Listener Club

Stupid News for 11/4/13

      A Florida woman had to claw her way to the phone to call cops after her boyfriend assaulted her with her own cat! The woman dialed 911 after she and Kenneth Stuart started arguing and he took things to another level by grabbing the feline and catapulting it into her face as she was lying on her bed. The cat hit with enough force to open up a large cut below the woman's eye - which was treated after cops arrived on the scene. Stuart told the responding officers, "Just take me to jail, I'm tired of this," but then changed his mind and asked to be released, promising to be good. He was released after posting bond and promising to stay away from both the woman and the cat

     A Baltimore man was arrested after he tried to get out of paying a restaurant bill by topping off the meal with a seizure that he faked as part of his dine-and-dash routine. Andrew Palmer, who has a history of chowing down, then falling down in bogus spasms, was nabbed after pulling the stunt at an Italian eatery – about 24 hours after he did the same thing at an upscale barbecue joint. An employee of the Italian restaurant, where Palmer had racked up one of his 90 previous arrests, said, "He was just watching the football game, eating food, and when it came time to pay, he didn't have any money. It's a horrible thing for someone to be doing, but for him it's a pretty good situation – get a free meal, get locked up, get a free meal. Just a running circle."

     A Delaware woman was arrested after she tried to end a beef with her boyfriend with some potatoes - a steaming plate of mashed spuds that she tossed at the guy before trying to stab him. Kimberly Francisco and her fiance were arguing in their kitchen when she decided to douse him with taters and gravy, then going after him with a steak knife, which he managed to wrestle away. Francisco told responding officers that her beau had made up the assault tale, but the official police report says, "Upon check of the residence, I noticed food, to include mashed potatoes, appeared to be thrown around the kitchen area."

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