September 19, 2014
2:45 pm
Listener Club

9/30/13 Stupid News

A Florida man made it easy for a highway patrol officer to nab him for driving under the influence - by steering his vehicle right into the rear of the cop's cruiser. John Tauber slammed into the back of the police vehicle, then tried to drive off, not noticing that the officer was sitting inside. When the deputy caught up with him, Tauber said the crash was nothing more than a fender bender, and then nearly fell down while trying to leave the scene on foot. Tauber initially refused field sobriety tests, and the officer noted in his report that "the driver stated he has a lot of money and I need to shut the eff up." He was taken to jail, where he took the breath test, blowing more than four times the legal limit.

A utah man who was arrested for indecent exposure tried to pass the blame for the incident by insisting that the whole thing was caused by a problem with his jeans. According to a police report, John Solomayar was arguing with his neighbor when he escalated the fight by walking out into the middle of the street and taking out his johnson - waving it angrily in the direction of the unnamed other gentleman and making vulgar remarks. The victim of the outburst called 911 to file a complaint, saying that the fighting was "an everyday thing." When officers arrived at the scene, Solomayar was unsteady on his feet and reeked of alcohol, but insisted he never intentionally unsheathed his weapon, saying his jeans might have fallen down because they were too big.

The administrators of a British wildlife park say visitors are no longer allowed to wear animal print clothing, because it riles up the critters who reside there. Chessington World of Adventures Resort has hired extra security to enforce the "zero tolerance" ban on leopard, tiger, zebra and other animal-based designs across their safari trails. Those who ignore the warning will be forced to change into gray jumpsuits. Park spokeswoman Natalie Dilloway said: "Visitors get so close to wild species that if someone wears the same pattern to the animal’s coat they can become over-friendly. If they wear the pattern of its predator, it has the opposite effect and the animals become afraid and run away. The worst thing you could do is limp past the lion or tiger enclosure in a zebra print outfit."
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