September 17, 2014
10:20 pm
Listener Club

Stupid News for 10/7/13


        A Connecticut man was arrested last week after he wandered into a pre-school with a bottle of urine hidden in his pants pocket. A bystander called cops to report a suspicious looking man hanging out on the playground outside the Stratford United Methodist Church school, and when they arrived on the scene, they spotted Nicholas Lewonczyk trying to get inside. He told officers that he was merely taking a shortcut to the church, where he planned to take a prayer break - and explained the bottle by saying that he always carried his urine around because people were trying to tamper with it. School officials said Lewonczyk was washing himself with water from a birdbath at the school before police arrived. He was taken to a nearby psychiatric facility for observation.

      A Florida man who's a regular at his local nude beach has been drawing attention by flipping his fellow sunbathers the bird - a plastic pink flamingo, to be precise. Steve Lauer apparently doesn't like to be alone when he's naked as a jaybird, so he heads down to Haulover Beach in a flock - sometimes accompanied by one of the lawn ornaments, sometimes up to 25 of the things. Lauer says that he got into the habit after moving to the Sunshine State from his home in New Jersey, where it was too cold to go Speedo-free for most of the year. He says, "But when I was lying at the beach, I felt I was back in New Jersey, and had to find something Floridian as a reminder of his new surroundings. "To carry those takes here takes a lot of time, but they are making people smile."

     A team of Canadian cheerleaders got a "rah" deal when they were slapped with a ticket for showing up at their school's homecoming game and ... cheering! The squad, representing the University of Western Ontario, paused outside the football stadium to stir up some school spirit with a pre-game cheer – which didn't sit well with one local cop, who pulled out his pad and dashed off a $140 ticket to squad leader Max Gow. The charge? "causing a nuisance in the street by conducting a cheerleading performance." Cheerleading coach David Tracey vowed to root, root, root against the ticket, saying "It's homecoming. Are we not supposed to generate spirit?

 
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