A Massachusetts man demonstrated his own lack of swiftness while trying to show off his car's swiftness - by videotaping himself zooming along at 100 miles per hour in order to up the vehicle's value on the open market. The lead-footed loser, who was not identified, was pulled over after topping the century mark - and the responding officer found that he'd been steering his car one-handed, while taping the speedometer with the other hand. He told the deputy he wanted to have hard evidence that the car could tear up the road. The driver was hit with charges of speeding, impeded operation, and reckless operation. "The asking price of the vehicle may go up accordingly," police said in a Facebook post referencing the potential fines he faces.
A Minnesota man gave new meaning to the phrase "phone bill" when he drunkenly tried to place a call to friends by holding a crisp $20 to his ear. Cops found Deaaron Hearn passed out on a bench on a Iowa City pedestrian mall and when they tried to rouse him, they found him unsteady on his feet and smelling strongly of booze. When they requested he show some identification, he tried to hand them cash instead which they did not take, instead suggesting he call a friend for a ride home. Instead of dialing his cell, Hearn pulled the 20 out of his wallet and began a conversation, treating it as if it were a phone - a "call" that earned him a trip to the local precinct.
An employee at a New Jersey Radio Shack surprised a customer by informing him that battery was included with his purchase - by punching him in the eye for "being sarcastic." The victim called cops from the parking lot to complain about the incident, and when they arrived, they found him standing outside holding a paper towel to a bloody wound above his eye. The officers went into the store to investigate and found Andre Santiago hiding in a back room. Santiago admitted to decking the man, and defended the punch by saying the guy deserved it for being sarcastic. He was booked on assault charges.