September 19, 2014
1:22 am
Listener Club

Stupid News for 10/15/13

       A Florida thug jacked a few hundred bucks from a man at an ATM, but gave some free advice in return - telling his victim to simply call his insurance company to get it replaced. Seth Heart approached the other man as he was making a deposit and pulled a knife, demanding he hand over the cash. When the guy hesitated, Heart grabbed the dough and fled, turning to say, "Just report it to your insurance company" as he turned the corner. The victim called 911 with a description of Heart, who was found a short way away, with his discarded clothing in a field down the road.

      A Utah man fell victim to a carjacker after he proved he couldn't handle his liquor - when it was served in a can thrown at his head, that is. The man got into an argument with Benjamin Cunningham, and when the dispute escalated, Cunningham took a full can of beer and whipped it at his victim's head, knocking him to the ground. While the man was incapacitated, Cunningham hopped into his vehicle and sped off, reaching a high enough speed to prompt cops to pull him over. Cunningham was charged with aggravated battery, grand theft auto and violation of probation. He was held without bond.

      A British crook found himself in a pickle when he was charged with a greenhouse break-in - thanks to DNA evidence he left behind after biting into a cucumber during the heist. Billy Joe Donnelly had apparently cased the joint beforehand and decided to jimmy his way into the greenhouse, where he swiped a number of items before heading into the owners' home, where he ransacked several rooms as the occupants slept. His lawyer says, "He had been drinking heavily at the time and was riding around on his bike when he entered the greenhouse and he ate some of the produce from there. It was foolish behavior and he was identified by a cucumber." While the lost items were small potatoes, the robbery gave the homeowners food for thought: They've decided to sell the place and move to a safer location.

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