September 2, 2014
9:41 am
Listener Club

Stupid News for 11/5/13

        A Missouri woman is going bananas after a man who claimed he wanted to buy her pet monkey ended up swinging by to make the deal - before pepper spraying her and stealing the critter from a parking lot. The woman says that she traveled several hundred miles to Colorado to meet the man, who contacted her via an ad she placed to sell the Capuchin monkey. When he showed up to take a look at the little primate, he pulled out the spray and stunned the woman, then grabbed the carrier and sped off. Cops are on the lookout for the guy, who's in trouble on a number of levels, since it's illegal to possess a Capuchin monkey in Colorado in the first place.
      Some criminals make it easy to track them by leaving fingerprints at the scene, but an Arizona crook did even better - by leaving his entire finger! Joshua Allen Goverman was allegedly trying to steal a bunch of copper wire from an appliance repairman's truck when he apparently got stuck in the spool and yanked – costing himself a good chunk of one of his digits. Forensic experts examined the finger and checked it against a criminal database, which led them to Goverman. The 29-year-old denied any involvement in the crime and insisted his mangled finger was caused by an auto repair accident, but he tipped his hand when cops showed him the digit they'd found. A police spokesman said, "You might say Joshua's finger had its own version of the story to tell and pointed Joshua directly to jail."

     The folks at Hallmark want consumers to get one thing straight this holiday season - the revamped lyrics to a classic Christmas carol. The company has issued a re-designed version of one of its best-selling ornaments, and has changed the "Deck the Halls" line from "don we now our gay apparel" to "don we now our fun apparel" for the sweater-shaped tree trinket. Hallmark issued a statement defending the change and saying "Back in the 1800s, the word "gay" meant festive or merry. Today it has multiple meanings, which we thought could leave our intent open to misinterpretation."

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