May 23, 2015
12:21 am
Listener Club

Stupid News for 6/16/14

      A Florida man was arrested after allegedly sexting dirty photos to a police officer he had originally spoken to about a suspicious vehicle in his neighborhood. Paul Kirleis called the police about the suspicious vehicle and the officer responded on his department-issued phone. Following the conversation, the 30-year-old allegedly texted the officer "Who is this?" and "I am boo." Those texts were followed up by a photo of a man in a thong and a picture of a man who looked like Kirleis bent over and looking back at the camera while naked. After the photos, a text from Kirleis's phone number read, "Sooo." When officers contacted Kirleis, he told them he "was very intoxicated and did not remember much from the night." Kirleis was charged with stalking and prohibition of certain acts in connection with obscene, lewd materials.

      A Florida woman has been accused of trying to shoplift seven lobster tails from a store by stuffing them down her pants. The tails are priced at $11.99 apiece, so Nichole Reed was allegedly trying to swipe almost $84 worth of seafood. According to a police rep, "The suspect stated she entered the store with the intent to steal food. She also told me she was going to trade the lobster tails to a friend and possibly buy Chinese buffet." Reed also said that she might have attempted to trade the tails for Dilaudid, a painkiller. The Chinese food was put on hold as Reed was charged with theft from a merchant and taken to jail.

      A woman in New York decided she would clean her dogs rear after it relieved itself during a walk through Central Park by using a water fountain as a bidet. Emily Carr decided to shoot the video, while filming a documentary on New Yorker cartoonists, when she witnessed the crime against hygiene. When she asked Carr if she was washing the whole dog, she specified that it was "butt oriented." It took several minutes before the woman was approached by another person who proceeded to chastise her about her practices, yelling, "human people put their faces there." Carr said the woman responded "Ok" and and said she would "clean it up." She continued grooming her dog for a few more minutes and then came back with a "balled up plastic bag" to briefly wipe the fountain off. Carr yelled at one thirsty passerby, "No don't drink that!" as he leaned over the fountain. She didn't report warning anyone else of the feces-coated spigot.

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